Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
