how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i think im in europe. pls send help
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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