who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
