we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
