look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
