Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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