Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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