i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
