I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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