when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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