What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
