I just cut my nipple shaving
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
