Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
