She is in my trunk
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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