My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
