Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have demons in me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm too high and old for this...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
