my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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