Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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