Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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