Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
