god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
