I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
