Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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