i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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