It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
