U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
