Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
