Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
