I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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