meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
