You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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