I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
