"it" just moved
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
