I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
