and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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