Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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