this boner is exhausting
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
