who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
