I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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