After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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