My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
And my parents said I crawled through the house
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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