I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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