Moan for me like Helen Keller
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
