And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
