I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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