I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
