I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
