I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
