I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
