I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
