so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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