coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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