Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
