If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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