watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
