Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
