Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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