My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
