My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Randomize
