I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
