could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
